Inherited Trauma: How Generational Wounds Shape Us And How You Can Break the Cycle
Do you ever find yourself grappling with anxiety, self-doubt, or fears that seem to come from nowhere and wonder, where did this come from? If so, you’re in good company. Many people struggle with emotional and physical patterns that are not simply the result of their own life stories, but ripples across generations. Today evidence from psychology, neuroscience and epigenetics reveals that our ancestors’ lived experiences, traumas, losses, joys and victories can echo through our family lines, shaping who we become and how we feel each day.
The Legacy of Generations: “It Didn’t Start With You”
Mark Wolynn’s influential book, It Didn’t Start with You: How Inherited Family Trauma Shapes Who We Are and How to End the Cycle, puts it plainly: trauma doesn’t just belong to the original sufferer, it’s a family inheritance. Drawing on science, Wolynn shows us that trauma carried by parents, grandparents and even earlier relatives can be embedded in our DNA and psychological patterns, a phenomenon sometimes called secondary PTSD.
What patterns of fear, anxiety, or self-doubt have appeared throughout your family line? Can you recall stories or challenges your parents or grandparents faced that may seem reflected in your own struggles?
These legacies can impact us in surprising ways. Seemingly inexplicable depression, self-sabotaging behaviours, chronic pain, phobias and even relationship difficulties may not be rooted in our personal experiences at all, but in traumas our ancestors endured even if they were never talked about.
How Past Generations Leave Their Mark
Trauma’s legacy endures, in part, through chemical changes in DNA what science calls epigenetic modification. These changes do not alter our actual genetic code; rather, they influence how our genes are expressed, particularly those involved in stress, emotion and even physical health.
“We may carry burdens we can’t easily name, not because we lived those traumas ourselves, but because the residue lives in our families and our bodies.”
Open question: Have you noticed repeating family stories, or “secrets” that are never discussed? What emotions arise when you think about them?
The Science of Inherited Trauma
Major negative or traumatic experiences war, migration, poverty, violence, profound loss can induce epigenetic changes that subtly but persistently alter how descendants process stress, threat and emotion. These effects can be both psychological and physiological, creating echoes down the family line.
Reflective prompt: In difficult moments, do your reactions feel like they truly belong to you, or do they seem strangely familiar, as if they’re not entirely your own?
Emotional and Physical Health Impacts
Inherited trauma influences both mind and body:
- Increased risk of anxiety, depression and PTSD: Children and grandchildren of trauma survivors often show higher rates, even if they have no direct knowledge of the ancestral trauma.
- Interpersonal and emotional struggles: Patterns of mistrust, emotional numbness, difficulty with stress, or social withdrawal can often be traced to generations past.
- Physical illness: Research links intergenerational trauma to chronic pain, autoimmune conditions, heart disease and even a dysfunctional immune system, all arising from maladaptive long-term stress responses.
Mechanism | How It Works | Modern-Day Impact |
Epigenetic Modifications | Changes in how genes are read, not the code itself, affect stress and immune regulation | Heightened stress sensitivity, inflammation, vulnerability to anxiety/depression |
Family Narratives/Patterns | Family stories, silence, or repeated behaviours shape coping and emotional expression | Anxiety, trust issues, emotional detachment |
Modelling/Attachment | Children implicitly learn how to relate from parents who may carry unresolved trauma. | Difficulty with relationships, attachment insecurity |
Recognising Symptoms of Inherited Trauma
Sometimes trauma is so ingrained in a family that its symptoms appear “normal” inside the household, even if they’re distressing. Some common signs and symptoms include:
- Emotional numbness, detachment, or dissociation
- Difficulty connecting with others or establishing trust
- Shame, guilt, low self-worth, or a sense of helplessness
- Difficulty identifying personal identity
- Emotional overwhelm or numbness, mood dysregulation
- Avoidance, substance use, sleep disturbances, nightmares
- Physical symptoms: headaches, gastrointestinal issues, autoimmune or inflammatory problems
Have you noticed these struggles appearing across generations in your family, or normalised as part of “how we do things”?
“We may carry burdens we can’t easily name, not because we lived those traumas ourselves, but because the residue lives in our families and our bodies.”
Therapy Models: Breaking the Intergenerational Cycle
Fortunately, inherited trauma is not destiny. Therapy approaches like Schema Therapy, Internal Family Systems (IFS), the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM) and Psychodynamic Therapy are just some approaches that offer tools to heal personal and generational wounds, helping us reclaim authenticity, resilience and hope.
Schema Therapy: Rewriting the Script
Schema Therapy targets deeply embedded beliefs and emotional patterns (schemas) that often originate from early unmet needs or painful experiences, including those inherited or modelled from family.
Therapy exercises:
- Imagery re-scripting: Vividly revisit distressing family memories or stories, now introducing a protector or nurturer to change the experience.
- Open question: If you could revisit a painful family story, how might you imagine changing its outcome?
- Chair work: Move between chairs representing different parts of yourself (e.g., “Vulnerable Child,” “Critical Parent”) to facilitate internal dialogue.
- Reflective prompt: What “role” do you play most often in family conflicts, protector, critic, mediator, or child?
Internal Family Systems (IFS): Meeting Your Inner Parts
IFS suggests we all have inner “parts” distinct roles like the anxious one, the sad one, or the inner critic with many parts carrying generational burdens.
IFS practices:
- Parts mapping: Name and describe your inner parts and ask What are you trying to protect me from?
- Reflective question: Is there a part of you that reacts strongly in certain situations? What might it fear will happen if it relaxes?
- Self-dialogue: Use chair work or journaling to allow parts to speak, inviting compassion from your core Self.
What would your worried part want to tell you, if it finally felt safe?
NARM: Healing Developmental Trauma in the Body
NARM blends mindful awareness of sensation, emotion and thought, helping people reconnect with their authentic selves and release inherited patterns.
Key NARM exercises:
- Somatic tracking: Gently notice body sensations as you reflect on family stories or emotional material.
- Reflective prompt: What sensations arise in your body when remembering hardship or conflict from your family line?
- Mindful inquiry: Pause and ask yourself What am I experiencing right now? Where could this feeling originate?
NARM identifies survival styles (Connection, Attunement, Trust, Autonomy, Love/Sexuality), each reflecting specific family legacies.
Which survival strategy resonates with you and do you see it echoed in your family?
Psychodynamic Therapy: Uncovering Hidden Family Scripts
Psychodynamic therapy explores unconscious processes and generational family dynamics, encouraging deep exploration of past relationships and internal defenses.
Therapy exercises:
- Free association: Speak or write anything that comes to mind about your family history, noticing unexpected links.
- Tip: Let your thoughts wander. What images or stories spontaneously arise about your parents’ or grandparents’ experiences?
- Dream analysis: Reflect on dreams featuring family members or repeated scenarios.
- Transference reflection: Notice if strong feelings toward others (therapist or partner) seem familiar from your family story.
Are there recurring relationship patterns in your life that echo those in your family?
How Healing Ancestral Wounds Changes the Future
When you choose to address inherited trauma, you don’t just heal yourself—you benefit your children, nieces, nephews, and generations you’ll never meet. Here’s why:
- Breaking cycles: Consciously healing inherited wounds prevents unconscious repetition of harmful behaviours and beliefs.
- Fostering secure attachment: Parents who process their own pain can provide attuned, emotionally safe environments for children, fostering resilience and trust.
- Positive modelling: Healing allows descendants to witness and inherit strengths—resilience, compassion, and adaptability—instead of pain alone.
- Changing gene expression: Early research in epigenetics suggests that emotional healing may even help future generations by “turning off” stress-prone gene expression.
Reflective questions:
- What patterns do you notice in your family that you would not want to pass on?
- How might your own healing journey open new possibilities for future generations?
- What strengths—courage, creativity, perseverance—would you like to amplify for those who come after you?
Taking Steps Toward Healing
If you recognise your struggles echoing your family’s history, you are not alone—and you are not powerless. Here are practical steps to start the journey:
- Acknowledge ancestral patterns: Notice repeating themes, behaviours, or emotional responses in your family line. Reflect on what might have been unconsciously taught or inherited.
- Seek supportive therapy: Whether through Schema Therapy, IFS, NARM, or Psychodynamic Therapy, skilled professionals can help you process inherited wounds and develop new, healthier patterns.
- Engage in emotional processing: Journaling, mindfulness, or family constellation work can help you release inherited pain, creating space for healing.
- Create new family narratives: Share both struggles and strengths with children and loved ones, fostering connection, empathy, and hope.
- Model resilience: Show future generations that vulnerability, seeking help, and building fulfilling relationships are strengths, not weaknesses.
Breaking the Cycle And Writing a New One
Awareness is the first step toward change. The evidence-based therapies above provide a map for navigating intergenerational pain and building a profound sense of freedom and belonging. Healing is not about blaming those who came before, but gently shining a light on old wounds so you can choose a new way forward.
What do you want to carry forward from your family legacy, and what are you ready to leave behind?
When one generation chooses to heal, the benefits cascade outward today and for generations to come.
Embarking on this journey is not just an act of self-care, but an extraordinary gift to family and future generations alike. If you’d like to explore these questions more deeply, consider working with a therapist trained in these approaches, and remember: You have the power to write a new story.
If this article spoke to you, begin by reflecting: What is one family pattern I am ready to understand, or change with compassion today?
If you’re ready to take the next step in your healing journey, I invite you to browse and book a session with one of the experienced holistic mental health practitioners at Connecting Mental Health. We’re here to walk alongside you, every step of the way.
Contact us if you have any questions or feedback.
Article written by Jono Derkenne, Accredited Mental Health Social Worker