Tending the Garden: How Do We Share with Children When the World Feels So Heavy?
Sharing the World with Our Children
We’re currently witnessing extreme climate events, the ongoing invasion of Ukraine, and the noise of Donald Trump’s destructive ego dominating global headlines. Here in Australia, we’re facing cost of living challenges and another federal election, and many of us are left wondering, what will come next? It’s a lot to carry. Some days, I feel myself sink into a low state just trying to make sense of it all.
I also find myself reflecting upon (now with me looking more down the hill rather than up), how our young people are feeling in all of this? The next generation, the ones inheriting this world. Even if they can’t always name it, they’re absorbing the collective anxiety around them. Is this what is causing an increase in mental health presentations?
The Garden as a Metaphor for Society and Self
When the world feels chaotic, I find comfort in nature, tinkering in the garden, hands in the soil, connected. It grounds me. The garden, I think, is a beautiful metaphor for society, as well as our individual self.
How do we produce a healthy garden? Generally there are two schools of thought: mass production or monoculture, which destroys diversity and relies on increasing amounts of fertiliser to keep going, or a biodynamic, natural approach, which is slower, more sustainable, and deeply interconnected. Both have pros and cons as Michael Pollan explores in The Omnivore’s Dilemma, but when it comes to human wellbeing and the world we want to leave our children, what kind of garden do we want them to grow in?
Are we clinging to old systems (‘that’s the way it’s always been, don’t/why rock the boat’) that require constant external inputs just to function? Or can we improve the soil, nurture healthier systems, and allow our kids to thrive without carrying so much stress and strain?
Human existence is deeply tied to our natural environment. As Peter Wohlleben shares in The Secret Network of Nature, everything is delicately connected. When we neglect these connections, between people, nature, within self and systems, we suffer. So too do our young people and will likely suffer more due to their time on this planet?
Sharing the World with Our Children
Sorry, but I have to start with this; every family, child, and young person is unique (like every garden), so I acknowledge that this may not align with everyone and that’s totally fine. Hopefully, this article will plant seeds of thought that will germinate meaningful change and conversation.
It’s not uncommon for adults to say, “I don’t want to burden them; they already have enough on their plate.” And that’s understandable. But let’s pause for a moment and ask: is that a Healthy Adult response? Or might it be a form of avoiding, surrendering, or overcompensating? (To borrow some schema language.)
For me, avoiding these conversations leaves young people feeling more vulnerable. They sense the tension in the air and the fear behind the silence. And silence can feel like neglect.
Instead, what if we continue to create more safe, open spaces for us to explore these feelings, especially worry, fear and valid vulnerability? Not to overwhelm, but to empower and grow the rich tapestry of plants.
Circles of Influence, Concern and Control
One great strategy is The Circle of Influence. We can explore:
- What is in my control?
- What can I influence?
- What is outside my control (concern)?
Take climate change, it’s massive and overwhelming, for example, ‘I can’t stop the icecaps melting’. But in our local spaces, can we try to reduce our own waste, plant trees, support sustainable practices and increase conversations with friends, school, and communities? These small, tangible actions shift helplessness into agency.
Thought Challenging – A CBT Technique
If someone says, “The world is doomed,” we can gently help them challenge that thought:
- “What’s the evidence for and against that?”
- “Are there signs of hope or change?”
- “What’s something you can do today that aligns with your values?”
This helps move them from catastrophic thinking to more balanced and empowered perspectives.
Mindful Activities
- Nature Walks
Take time to walk together in nature, notice the details, the leaves, the smells, the sounds. It reminds us that beneath the surface, everything is connected. - Nature Visualisation
Guide them through a meditation imagining themselves in a peaceful natural space: rainforest, beach, open field. What do they hear? Smell? How does it feel in their body? - Soil Meditation
Hands in soil, planting something small (eg. using an old egg carton and chia seeds from the local supermarket). A symbolic act, nurturing life, even in uncertain times.
Schema Techniques
- Mode Awareness
Support young people in noticing when they’re in “Vulnerable Child” mode: scared/ overwhelmed and help them shift into “Healthy Adult” mode. This might involve talking to a safe adult, setting boundaries with social media, or creating a calming routine. - Reparenting
Offer them the comfort and validation a nurturing adult would give:
“It’s okay to feel this way. I’m here. We’ll get through this together.”
What Kind of Garden Do We Want?
Do we want a garden where everything looks the same, trimmed and uniform but lacking in life, diversity, and resilience? That’s not natural and very dull. Or do we want a biodynamic garden, vibrant, unique, sometimes a little unruly, but full of cooperation, growth, and strength?
Our young people are part of this garden. Let’s tend to them with care, validation, and give them the tools to thrive, just as we tend to the soil, knowing it will one day nourish future generations.
Let’s ask them what they need. Let’s help them grow.
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Let’s tender a vibrant, diverse garden!
