Fire regrowth metaphor, support after significant events

I feel so honoured in my role as a therapist. It does bring its challenging moments, days but there definitely is so many more incredible moments I get to witness through my clients openness, trust and strength. There is something deeply moving about supporting individuals reflect on their lives, relationships, and transitions. We aren’t just talking about circumstances, we focus on exploring meaning, identity, and connection.

Recently, I had the privilege of sitting with a client as they processed a shift in roles. They had moved into a new position but still maintained ties; relational, emotional, and procedural with their old team. As we talked, I watched their insight unfold with clarity and honesty. Upon my own processing I noticed how this experience is not just in professional transitions, but in the endings and new beginnings we all face throughout life: the loss of a relationship, a shift in peer groups, or the redefinition of roles.

A metaphor that sprouted, is the regrowth after a fire. I hope it’s not too triggering, but it fits in many ways. After a fire, we can often move on quickly. Our nervous system kicks in, mobilising us into fight, flight, or even freeze. In this flurry of instinct and action, we bypass the deeper work of reflection. Sometimes, we tell ourselves or hear from others that revisiting the past only invites sadness or pain. “Just move on,” we’ve been told.

But the truth is, processing is not about staying stuck in the past, it’s about honouring what was and creating space for a new way forward.

Whether it’s a team, a role, or a relationship that has shifted, there is value in pausing to name the emotions, the contributions and the losses. What did we bring that helped things function and flow? What was beautiful or meaningful? And what emotions are now valid to feel in the absence: grief, relief, confusion even pride?

From a Bowen Family Systems Theory perspective, we can understand this as part of differentiation. When we reflect thoughtfully, we begin to see ourselves as both part of and separate from the systems we’ve been embedded in. Bowen described the balance between individuality and togetherness and when we are over-fused or emotionally reactive to our systems, transitions can feel threatening. But reflection supports differentiation. It gives us the ability to carry forward wisdom, boundaries and insight into new systems without cutting off or losing ourself in the process.

In systems theory, we know that change in one part of the system will affect the whole. The departure of one team member, or the transition of a role, may ripple into dynamics of communication, power, and identity. Just as in nature, where fire changes the ecosystem the soil, the light and shadows, the air, so too do organisational or personal shifts change the emotional and relational landscape.

What’s also often overlooked in all the busyness of the new work to replant or rebuild is that regrowth never looks like the original. The old team, the old structure, the familiar ways they existed within a particular context, but we are not the same people now. To expect sameness is to misunderstand the nature of growth.

Here’s where I think the hope lies: the new ecosystem can thrive, not by replicating the past, but by honouring it, learning from it, and adapting to what’s needed now utilising the strengths of the current parts of the system. Just as healthy soil requires nutrients, a thriving team or individual needs emotional honesty, psychological safety and connection.

I would like to offer some questions for reflection whether you are in a period of change yourself, or holding space for someone else who is:

• What aspects of the old system (team, relationship, role) brought out the best in you?

• What were you proud of in how you contributed to it?

• What emotions are surfacing now, and can you allow space for them without judgment?

• What have you carried into this next stage, consciously or unconsciously that may or may not serve you well?

• What does this new environment require of you? And what do you need to thrive in it?

These questions are like seeds, give them time to germinate. Sometimes they may bring discomfort. In that space, that stillness after the fire, is where insight lives.

Let’s remind ourselves and each other: reflection is not something we put on the list last. It is essential. Just as ecosystems regenerate over time with the right conditions, so too do people and teams. We carry the memory of what once was, and the wisdom to create something new, meaningful, and alive.

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Written, Jono Derkenne, Accredited Mental Health Social Worker